Permission is a funny word. Like I’m some little kid asking permission to go to the bathroom, or to have a cookie, or to stay up late. But we are often stopped in our own cycles of self-defeat and self-doubt, usually because we haven’t granted ourselves permission to actually break the cycle, moving out of our comfort zones.
It sounds almost obvious, like the advice you got years ago that you shrugged off until it came back to bite you in the ass and really sunk in. This happened to me last week and it’s why I’m writing now. Because Permission (with a capital P) can come from an unexpected source, so maybe, just maybe, I can be that for you.
For the past few years, I found myself losing power. Losing myself in the problems, constantly trying to fix everything that was wrong. A mentor of mine told me “you’re the type of person who can walk in the room and see every single thing that is wrong.” At first I was proud of that- like I was some almighty fixer, payer-attention-to-details-master. Then I realized that it was actually criticism. That is what kind of energy I give off. Those are the kind of conversations I find myself in. What. Can. I. FIX?
Ick. It’s exhausting. Oh. And guess what? If there’s nothing to fix, chance are I’ll break something so that I can fix it. So exhausting.
I made a deal with myself to be DONE with the fixing, and to start taking on “F&ck it!” as a way I could be more powerful and start focusing on what WAS working, and do less of the fixing things that weren’t. The deal included creating a real team in my music business, being straight with my husband, and cutting [all of] the crap. And I had a deadline: January 10th.
On January 10th, I visited an old friend and coach of mine. I thought I was doing her a favor… she had recently had knee surgery and was cooped up in her apartment. Yet when I walked out an hour and a half later, I had a new life.
What happened in that Washington Heights two bedroom overlooking George Washington Bridge?
I have no idea.
Except that something in the conversation left me with an overwhelming sense of permission.
Permission to be powerful.
Permission to ignore other peoples’ sh&t.
Permission to do what I need for my career and to stop compromising just for compromising’s sake. (Look at me, I’m so nice, I’m compromising for you. And it’s getting me…. nowhere.)
Permission to simply be me and stop trying to explain or fix it away.
Here’s Your Permission
Getting this endorsement to be myself was an incredible feeling that has stayed with me in full force for over a week.
So I want to pass it on to you, in case you need permission from a source who isn’t a parent, spouse, bandmate, or close friend.
Here’s your permission…
… to unapologetically do what you love.
… to take time off for you.
… to finally end that relationship.
… to lay down the law and say what you need in order to stay.
… to finally start that relationship.
… to sing loudly.
… to invest in yourself.
… to quit the day job.
… to just be you.
Use it wisely.