It’s very hard to get people to like you. Welp, I should speak for myself. Not being the cool kid in high school taught me that early on. Fact: Being president of the drama club and starting a school recycling program does not win you an invitation to the hockey team parties. To get people to like you enough to buy your music, come to your show and donate some of their hard-earned money to support your artistic endeavor, no matter how positively inspiring and worthy, seems like the last path a socially nonchalant individual should follow. Yet here I have found myself.
For the last five months, I’ve been getting more and more excited every time the 23rd rolls around. Today, my excitement was exasperated by 3 sleepless nights in the studio mixing, stressing and cooing over a new song. And now that it’s out in the world, I feel like a fan after the series finale of LOST… empty, sad, strangely satisfied, wondering what’s next and overall just pooped.
I made a promise to myself last December that I would feel full of purpose all year long in 2010. So I created ONE UP, my project to write and release inspiring songs all year long. With some anxiety around my February 23rd birthday (which gets worse every year) I decided that these songs would be released on the 23rd of every month. So far, fans have been helping fund the production and every song, to me, is really, truly one upping the last ones. Yet the irony of today is I released “Trust Me”, one of my most rocking, anthemic tunes ever, and I feel like a hypocrite asking the world to listen to my music when we’re all crying our eyes out about the final episode of LOST. Very anti-climatic for me. Listen to the song and you’ll know what I mean. If you were a LOST fan, the feeling is pretty much identical.
Completion is final. Story lines end. Chord progressions resolve. The thing that makes endings less debilitating is the prospect of new beginnings. Or a new project, new TV series, a new song, a new interaction, a new bond. That’s what fans are to musicians and television shows- relationships. I found a relationship with the characters, the scripts and the music of LOST. I’d like to think that some people have a relationship with my music- they found it, got some sort of emotional payoff from listening to it, and perhaps come to a show or read my blog every once in a while to nurture it. And it’s highly likely that my fan has a fan. It’s a long chain, or perhaps a cycle, of seemingly one-sided involvement and admiration (the creators of LOST have no idea I exist). And at the same time, the relationship exists because there are two sides (they are, after all, writing a show to appeal to people like me). In high school, I really did want to go to those parties, but knew my interest was not reciprocated. Perhaps that is why I am writing this- to let you know that I found you and I want to connect with you, and that I value this relationship, and that whatever form it takes, it is reciprocated.